HitsuRuki crackly fun!
by AzmariaHarmony
Summary: Oh, the cracktaculous of the short shinigami! It will bring tears to your eyes! I am not responsible for rib-cracking, shortness of breath, or fainting. Thank you.
1. Chapter 1

_HIII! I kinda felt like writing this, 'cause I need to show you HitsuRuki fans HOW IT'S DONE! This is crack! A collection of stories that sound…..funny-ish…._

_ENJOY!_

"-TAAAAAAIIICHOOOOOOUUUUU!" an unwanted voice screamed out, bursting many poor eardrums. Rukia Kuchiki stood in his office carrying some papers, grinning.

"Yes Kuchiki?" Hitsugaya asked seeing if he could hear out of his left ear. Nada.

"TAICHOU GAVE ME THESE PAPERS AND-" Rukia screamed but was cut off by an irritated prodigy.

"ENOUGH WITH THE YELLING!" He roared.

"Oh, here," she dropped the papers on his desk. It was a reasonable size. She stood there watching him.

"Yes, Kuchiki?" Hitsugaya asked again. This girl was spending too much time around Kurosaki. She looked up.

"You have no social life, do you?" Rukia questioned cocking her head.

"Pweh! O-o-o-o-of course I do!" Toshiro sputtered.

"No you don't. I do, unlike you," Rukia stated, not caring that he was a superior and could easily disban her. Nope, not a care in the world. That's Rukia for ya.

"Fine then. Teach me, oh-so-full-of-life Kuchiki," he challenged leaning back.

"I shall teach you the most important lesson," Rukia announced and started getting closer.

And closer, "Kuchiki!"

And closer….

And closer…..

AAAAAAnd clooooooser…..

AAAAAAAnnnnnnddddddd ccccllllloooosssseeeerrrr….

Closer…(Hitsugaya felt her breath)

Her lips were right next to his ear. Toshiro was redder than a tomato.

"Kuchiki!"

She took a deep breath and….

"F IS FOR FRIENDS WHO DO STUFF TOGETHER! U IS FOR YOU AND MEEEEEE! N IS FOR ANY WHERE AND ANYTIME AT ALL DOWN HERE IN THE DEEP BLUE !"

"KUCHIIIIKIIIII!" Hitsugaya screamed as a cackling shinigami raced out the office.

Hitsugaya lost hearing in both ears for a week.

Rukia giggles about it to this day.

Toshiro's social status hasn't changed.

_My first attempt at crack. Please don't kill me…_

_How'd you like? Do you want more chapters or not?_

_REVIEW!_


	2. Da Mission of Awesomenessess

_I gonna try to update this quickly, so here's chapter two! I got a lot of hits in a short time… That's kind of creepy…_

"Hitsugaya-taichou: your next job will be to test new shinigami students. Take Kuchiki Rukia with you," Soutaichou ordered.

"Yes sir," Hitsugaya responded and bowed but mentally he was screaming: OH NO! I'm gonna DIE!

Yes, our little prodigy was scared of the little Kuchiki girl. How silly. Oh well.

He trudged to the thirteenth division, trying to think happy thoughts.

'Meadows; happiness; bunnies; chappy; Rukia; sad thoughts back.

Watermelon; sweet; sugar; hyper; Rukia! NOT HELPING!'

_Maybe you're in love with her. _Hyorinmaru chuckled.

'AM NOT!' Toshiro thought fiercely.

Hyorinmaru chuckled again and "left".

'Annoying dragon…' Hitsugaya thought.

"TAICHOU! OVAH HERE!" Rukia yelled waving her hand. She was lugging an enormous trunk.

"Er… What's that?" Toshiro asked not really wanting to know.

Rukia flashed her heh-heh-I-have-an-evil-nasty-plan grin. "You'll see," she said sweetly.

Bad feelings churned in Hitsugaya. For once he wasn't prepared for the enemy. This is sad…

Once they reached the Academy of Shinigami-who-need-to-find-a-less-forgetful-name-for-a-school, Hitsugaya had already imagined the worst possible scenario. Matsumoto said that his over-excited imagination was the effect of too much paperwork. She was also drunk when she said that. Again. For the hundredth time. Toshiro was so wrapped up in his thoughts he didn't snap out of it until Rukia wacked him across the face with a shovel.

"Ow! What was that for?" Hitsugaya demanded.

"Pay more attention to me," Rukia snapped and wacked him again just for the heck of it.

"OUCH!"

"Kuchiki-san! Hitsugaya-taichou! Welcome!" the headmaster squealed fangirlishly and ran over to them. The headmaster shook their hands. She had purple hair, orange eyes, and was wearing a normal shinigami robe except…. it was pink with sparkles.

"Come into my office! Let's have some tea!" the headmaster squealed again.

"This lady's getting on my nerves," Hitsugaya grumbled.

Rukia whacked him again. "Be nice," she ordered. They then walked inside. Rukia ditched her stuff outside where it would be PERFECTLY SAFE and NO ONE would steal it.

In the office Rukia and Toshiro sat across from the headmaster. She poured them some tea and they both took a sip.

"It's an honor to meet you. I'm Mister Hyufhyre-"

Rukia and Toshiro spat out their tea. Toshiro started coughing violently and Rukia patted his back. When their reactions were over Rukia stammered, "M-m-m-mister?"

"Why yes. Can't you tell?" She-no-he giggled.

They just stared.

"Uhhh…Do you have a girlfriend?" Toshiro asked, wide-eyed.

"Boyfriend. I met him online. See?" she/he/it handed them a picture, "FoxFace359, he's soooo dreamy,"

Rukia and Toshiro looked at the picture and screamed like rabid fangirls.

It was…Ichimaru Gin.

"HOLY FHEYDHFKUHGHAHFHB!" They yelled.

"Doesn't he just capture your heart?" Crossdresser headmaster cooed.

"S-s-s-sure. We're going to evaluate the students now…" Toshiro stuttered getting up.

"Uh huh, Ditto," Rukia agreed.

They shupoed as fast and as flash as they could.

Outside:

"That was-" Rukia panted.

"Uh-huh,"

"I have nothing against gays though. It's just that-"

"Uh-huh,"

"I think Renji might be gay,"

"Uh-wait, what?"

"Nothing…"

"…"

[Awkward silence]

"Let's go, Kuchiki,"

"Yes sir,"

And off they trotted.

To those poor newbies.

God bless their souls.

Rukia was busy getting set up and Toshiro made the incredibly boring speech in which I will not write down because that will take FOR-EVAH!

So let's skip ahead.

[Fast Forward]

bzzt!

Blahbyblahblahblah

Yadayadayadayada

Talktalktalktalktalk

Bzzt!

"Now, introduce your self, and say one thing about yourself,"

"I'M BILLY MAYES AND I INVENT USELESS CRAP!"

"I'm Michael Jackson and I have had twenty-six plastic surgeries. I think,"

O.O

"I'm Lord Voldemort and YOU WILL ALL DIE! MWAHAHAHA-" Rukia knocked him out with her shovel.

"I'm Dumbledore and I am gay," [crickets] Voldy was shocked.

"I'm Elvis Presley, thank you, thankyouverymuch,"

"I'm Envy and I'm a GUY!"

Rukia: You look like a palm tree.

[Envy attacks Rukia. Rukia wins]

"I'm one of Paris Hilton's many dogs. She accidently feed me beer, you can call me Shiner B."

O.o

I'm Grimmjow Jaegerjaques and-"

"OMFG! DIE GIMMY!" Rukia screamed and reduced the espada to a bloody puddle. Everyone else inched away from her.

"Ohhh-kaaay… That's about everyone. Proceed Kuchiki," Toshiro said.

"Yayz! First task: You must be able to eat a whole bowl of home cooked food. And if you don't you will be eliminated! BUMBUMBUUUUM! "

The new b's looked confused. They then shrugged and dug in.

Their Reactions:

Billy Mayes: OUCH! I NEED OXYCLEAN NOW! IT BUUUUUURNS!

MJ: This is, like, totally zombie crap [que Thriller song]

Voldy: THIS TASTES WORSE THAN BELLATRIX'S COOKING! MAKE IT STOP MOMMY! WAAAAAAAH!

Dumbly-dore: Delicious!

(everyone stares at him)

Shiner b: AAAAAAHHHHHHH! THIR IS WORSE THAN THAT PEDIGREE POOP!

Envy: (finishes it) I see dancing shrimps… (passes out)

"Who's still in, Kuchiki?" Toshiro asked.

"Umm…. Billy, Voldy, Dumbly, and Envy," Rukia concluded.

"Who cooked that?" Toshiro asked.

"Orihime-chan!" Rukia sang. Toshiro felt a pang of pity for the newbies. Orihime's cooking could strike fear in the most fearless.

"Okay, task two!" Rukia announced after control settled over and the eliminated were gone, "Answer a question! Get it wrong and you're out. What does fun mean?"

"Not again…" Hitsugaya groaned. He was whacked by the shovel.

Billy: MIGHTY PUTTY!

[OUT]

Voldy: THEDEATHOFHARRYPOTTER!

[OUT]

Dumbly and Envy: No, no, no!

F IS FOR FROLICKING THORUGH ALL THE FLOWERS!

U IS FOR UKELELE!

N IS FOR NOSE-PICKING, CHERRY GUM, AND SAND LICKING

All except Toshiro: DOWN HERE WITH MY BEST BUD-DY!

Toshiro: I'm surrounded be idiots.

Rukia: ONE MORE TIME!

Every one in the Real World, Hueco Mundo and the Soul Society except Toshiro: DOWN HERE WITH MY BEEEEEEEEST !

OH !

!

Toshiro: Correction. I'm weird. Everyone else is "normal"

_Hope you liked! Yes, there will be F.U.N. songs in the future chapters. _

_Feel free to sing along. And review. Rukia will give you cookies._


	3. Concert I ain't giving anything away

_I'm back for more! HAHAHAHAHAAAAA!_

_Ahem…_

_WARNING: This chapter contains Justin Bieber bashing. A lot. _

"TAICHOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUU!" our favorite fukutaichou screamed. Hitsugaya groaned. His hearing just came back a week ago.

"What Matsumoto?" Toshiro growled.

Rangiku ignored his tone. "I got three tickets to the upcoming Justin Bieber concert!" she squealed, "Wanna come?"

"God, no!" Toshiro snapped.

A few seconds of silence….

"Wanna come?"

She wasn't letting this go.

"Fine," Toshiro sighed, sounding defeated. Bad decision. VERY bad.

"I got one more ticket. Who should I invite?" Rangiku pondered aloud.

"I WANNA GO!" Rukia screeched, popping out of the file cabinet drawer.

"Okay!" she handed them both tickets, "Meet me at the big-gate-to-the-real-world at six pm! Don't be late!"

And with a puff of pink smoke, she disappeared. Toshiro sweatdropped.

"Kuchiki, what were you doing in my file cabinet drawer?" Toshiro questioned Rukia.

"…Nothing…" Rukia said suspiciously.

Toshiro decided he didn't really want to know.

6pm!

"Taichou! Over here!" Rangiku yelled waving Toshiro and Rukia where she was.

Rangiku was wearing a purple"I Wuv Bieber" shirt, skinny jeans, and flip-flops.

Toshiro was wearing a black button down shirt, dark jeans, and black converse.

Rukia was wearing a dress with rainbows and dancing Chappies and pink high-tops.

"Ready?" Rangiku sang.

"Sure," Toshiro sighed.

"FREDDY!" Rukia yelled. Toshiro sweatdropped.

"Let's goooooo!" Rangiku shouted.

[Dora's 'Let's go' song]

At da Concert:

Toshiro was not in a good mood.

One: There were no seats at the concert. They were in a field.

Two: He was jam-packed into a mob of screaming sticky teens and tweens.

Three: He was having sudden violent urges to blow off Dora the Explorer's head with a bazooka. And laugh maniacally while doing it. Not very captain-like.

Toshiro noticed a very looking out of place Ichigo. Next to him was a very happy Yuzu. Figures.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Rangiku squealed, "I CAN'T WAIT!"

Rukia was bouncing impatiently.

"I can't see!" she whined.

"Neither can I, so shut up!" Toshiro muttered darkly.

Then Justin Bieber walked on the stage. The noise of the fans was loud enough to make your ears run and find a dark corner to cry in. Then he started to sing. It was supposed to be a heartfelt song. Lots of girls cried and sang along. Including Rangiku.

"He sounds like a girl," Toshiro commented. Rukia nodded her head then put on a sad-and-lonely-puppy-dog face.

"I'm hungrrrrrrryyyyyyyy…." She complained. She had a whole turkey for dinner. Toshiro just had tea.

"So am I, but it's too crowded to move," Toshiro agreed.

"How long does this last?" Rukia moaned.

"Three hours,"

"Uuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… I'm not gonna make iiiiiiiiiit," she groaned.

Then perked up.

"I know!"

"What?"

"A way to get to the snacks!"

"You know where they are?"

"Uh-huh!"

"Where?"

"By the entrance, behind the stage!"

"And how are we supposed to get there, Sherlock?"

"THE RUKIA EXPRESSSSSS!"

"…"

Rukia reached into her shoe and pulled out a felt bag with a hand-stitched Wizard looking Chappy on it. She reached in and pulled out a hand full of pink powder and threw it into the air. A rainbow appeared.

"Yay!" Rukia yelled, grabbed Toshiro by the collar and hopped on. They rose higher and higher. The fans were too busy on Bieber to notice.

"Isn't this fun?" Rukia asked as an airplane flew under them. They reached the highest point, above the stage. Being the average rainbow, it then disappeared.

"Oh fudge ponies."

"!

THWUMP!

CRASH!

OUCH!

Rukia and Toshiro stood up. They were relatively unhurt except for a couple of bruises.

The crowd was silent.

"We must've landed on something," Toshiro observed. They both look down.

They were staning on a very bloody and beat up Justin Bieber. He was also unconscious.

"Oh, dear," Rukia said sounding not very worried.

Suddenly a scream ripped through the silence.

"THEY KILLED JUSTIN BIEBER!"

"We might wanna run," Toshiro stated.

ONE CHASE AND AN AMBULENCE RIDE LATER!

Rukia and Toshiro sat in the waiting room. Several fans got concussions due to being whacked in the head with a shovel.

Bieber had three broken ribs, both arms and legs broken in sixteen places, had to wear a neck cast, crack spine in ten places, and over a hundred bruises.

Needless to say he had many boo-boos and wouldn't be able to perform for about a year.

It was considered a mourning day across the globe as many worshiping fans wore black, prayed to their Bieber statues, and went to Bieberism church where they wept for hours straight.

Teenagers were grief-stricken and psychiatrists' offices were completely booked.

And the two responsible were sitting calmly in the waiting room sipping on cocoa and tea.

"They didn't put enough marshmallows in mine," Rukia grumbled.

"Stop your whining. And where's Matsumoto?" Toshiro said.

Somewhere:

Sister Ella (age 15): We now humbly congregate in the name of Bieber, for his name is holy. Peace to you.

Others: One less lonely girl. Peace to you Sister Ella.

Ella: Please Welcome Sister Rangiku. (Rangiku is wearing a long black dress and a Bieber necklace) She has come to seek the light of Bieber.

Rangiku: I give up my old CD's for Bieber is the only one for me. (Tosses CD's in random fire) I will think of Bieber for he is the on for me. I will live in him everyday and pray. I am one less lonely girl.

Sister Ella: Join me in song to praise our Prince.

Everyone:

I just sit here

Waiting for you to call

Then I wonder if you're even calling at all

So many thought go through my mind

Wish you could be here all the time

'Cause I'm lost without you

And I can't just doubt you

And there's everything about you

I just live without you

'Cause I'm lost without you

And I can't just doubt you

And there's everything about you

I just can't live without you

Sister Ella: Thank you, and may Justin Bieber bless you.

(_That was an actual Bieber song_)

Waiting Room:

"I suddenly don't really want to know where my fukutaichou is," Toshiro said.

"Ow! Hot! Too hot!" Rukia yelled after she gulped down a whole new cup of hot chocolate.

"Baka," Toshiro muttered.

_How'd you like? Review, please!_

_Chapters depend on reviews!_


	4. A fun little trip somewhere

_Chappy four for you impatient people. No offense, I like getting all these reviews!_

_By the way, I'm going to put a refrence to the F.U.N. song in every chapter. A little theme for the story. ;)_

_Moving along... STOWY STAWT!_

"! THERE'S BEEN AN EMERGENCY!" Rukia screamed racing down the halls.

"What?" Hitsugaya demanded, 'Maybe the arrancar are back,' he thought. She stopped in front of him.

"I'm bored," Rukia whined. Hitsugaya facepalmed.

Well, this is a parody. Can't expect anything serious happening.

"I have paperwork to do, so just do something quietly," Toshiro sighed.

"Okay!"She sat down and then grabbed something from her pocket. It was a portable play doctor's office. A man, the doctor, and a woman, the patient came out of her other pocket.

"This is Barbie and Dr. Ken," she explained, "Nii-sama gave to me then told me to shut up and go away so I came here,"

Toshiro made a mental note to strangle Kuchiki-taichou. Rukia got the figures set up then started to play.

Barbie: Oh doctor. I haven't been feeling well lately.

Dr. Ken: What is the matter, sweetums?

Barbie: I have a hooorible headache. Will you cure it for me?

Dr. Ken: As you wish, my one and only true love. Lie down. This will only hurt a bit.

Rukia reached up, grabbed the Barbie and yanked it's head off. Toshiro paled.

Barbie: I can feel the pain go away already. Oh thank you Doctor!

[Epic smooching]

The head of the doll rolled to Toshiro's feet. He needed to get this girl to a pyschiatrist. **Fast**.

"Hey Kuchiki. Would you like to go to a special place with me?" Toshiro asked, trying to sound cheerful even though he just witnessed Rukia maim a doll.

"Yay! Let's go!" Rukia jumped off the couch abandoning her toys. She joined him at the door.

"Where are we going?" She asked.

"A...uh...suprise," he stumbled.

"Kay!" she then skipped all the way to the pyschiatrist, who unfortunatly was in the real world. They had to stop by Urahara's for gigais.

Walking along the street:

"We're doing F.U.N. Well, mostly U.N.," Rukia said randomly as they were walking.

"Oh really? What's that?" Hitsuagaya questioned, getting jumpy.

"Ya know, U is for you and ME~!" she sang and glomped him, almost knocking Toshiro over.

"And N is for anywhere and any time at all~"

"DOWN HERE IN THE DEEP BLUE SEA!" People on the street sang. Toshiro started to sprint to the office dragging Rukia along.

At the office:

"This is fun! Where are we?" Rukia sang.

"...Somewhere," Hitsugaya said, trying to remain calm. His therapist said he stressed out too much, which was the cause of most of his panic-attacks. Toshiro knew what the cause was. Rukia. The little demon spawn.

They entered the lobby.

"How may I help you?" The secratary asked.

"Can I get an appointment for Rukia Kuchiki?" Toshiro asked.

"Sure. What is your relationship to her?" the secratary asked, observing that he was a mere child.

"Er...older brother..." Toshiro did not like these questions. For once he didn't know what to say. Toshiro did not like that feeling. At. All.

"Never mind. The doctor will see you now," the secratary sighed. Toshiro huffed, took Rukia by the elbow and dragged her to the office. They entered the first room.

"SPIRITS ARE ALWAYS WITH YOU! BOHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!" a voice yelled. Wrong room.

The next room:

"I feel like I'm being crushed *sniffle* it's so horrible!" Kenpachi cried, blowing his nose in a kleenex.

O.O O.o

A while later:

Room: 154

"Please let this be right," Toshiro whispered. He was scared for life in what he saw. Especially the hundreth room. It was Grimmjow. Acting like a two year old. On crack. Thinking that Ichigo was his mommy. And Ichimaru his daddy. Bad mental images.

"Hello, Rukia," a guy in the room said.

OMG! IT WAS DR. FREAKIN' PHIL! That was Hitsugaya's reaction.

"Oh! Hi doctor!" Rukia said cheerfully.

"Wait...You know him?" Toshiro gasped.

"Yes, this is the third time I've seen her," Dr. Phil replied.

"WHAAAAAT?" Toshiro shouted.

"Ichigo, Renji, and Nii-sama all took me here!" Rukia responed.

Toshiro turned on his heel and started to leave.

"Where are you going, Hitsugaya-taichou?"

He turned to her and his expression was completly exhausted.

"I'm going to my therapist to be put back on medication," Toshiro groaned.

Right now would be a good time to get some tea too. Matsumoto got a new cup. She wouldn't mind if he used it, right?

_So how'd you like? I'm planning a big suprise for chapter ten and your reviews will get me there! WOOT WOOT!_

_ReViEw! Or Dr. Phil will scold you._


	5. Ode to Last Day of Summer

_Yes, today is the last day of summer for me. Siiiigh... This also means updates will come slower, due to the abnormaly large pile of homework/torture. It also means a bunch of teachers should get a life, and if it's not their fault, whoever forced the sheets of paper unto us. _

_Enough of my babbling. To da story! This is dedicated to summer break. If we didn't have it, well, I don't want to go there. To much NC-17 stuff._

Toshiro sat back into his chair sighing in relif that he completed the whole week's worth of paperwork. On a Monday. He then enjoyed the peacful silence, since Matsumoto was off drunk again in who-knows-where and he didn't really care.

That silence lasted a total of five seconds.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH !" a shriek was heard across the Seireitei.

Yes, it was the wonderful Rukia Kuchiki. Toshiro knew that immediatly. Well, he IS a child prodigy.

So, he calmly walked over to where Rukia was screaming her head off.

"Kuchiki, what is the problem?" Toshiro questioned her. She stopped screaming and turned to him with big tear filled puppy dog eyes, sniffled, then glomped him.

"Oh Taichooooooouuuuuuu!" she sobbed almost knocking him over. He grabbed her and kept her standing. Toshiro's mind whirled. Was Kurosaki dead? Was Karakura a big fat hole of nothing-ness-ess?

"T-t-today's the last day of summer!" Rukia cried. Toshiro dropped her. So like Rukia. Make a big fuss over something so itty bitty, that Kon would find unimportant.

His thoughts were broken when Rukia threw herself on the floor throwing a temper tantrum that would be worthy of a two year old.

"FINE! If I did something with you, would you SHUT UP?" Hitsugaya shouted, suddenly getting a headache.

She looked up, stopping her fit. She looked at him with the adorable puppy dog eyes that were perfected by staying with Ichigo.

"Weally?" she whimpered.

"...Sure..." Hitsugaya muttered.

"YAYYYYYY!" Rukia's mood changed suddenly. She grabbed him by the arm and started to drag him outside. "This'll be FUN!"

Toshiro almost started sobbing like toddler himself.

******F

"Frolick! Taichou, FROLICK!" Rukia yelled skipping ahead of him.

Yes, they were skipping in a field of random flowers. Toshiro had no idea how they ended up here, but they just were.

If Matsumoto saw him now... Toshiro paled at the thought and started sprinting a cross the field.

"HITSUGAYA!" Rukia yelled. Toshiro didn't stop until he was at the no-flower zone, gasping for breath. Rukia skipped next to him, looking stern.

"Idiot!" she said, and whacked him with the shovel. The shovel's name is Feather.

**********U

Toshiro groaned as he heard Rukia's attemts at singing and playing the ukelele. It was worse than her drawing.

She somehow found a ukelele and knew how to paly it. Sorta-kinda-not-really.

She was playing what sounded like a Hannah Montana song, and singing 'Kumbaya' in a funeral march. There was no harmony.

"What are you doing?" Byakuya asked coming up to them. Rukia stopped at once.

"Nii-sama!" she sang. He obseved her, ignoring Toshiro.

"You are playing the ukelele?" Byakuya asked.

"Yup!"

Byakuya reached into his sleave and pulled out a ukelele that was pink and had little flowers on it. He started to play.

What it sounded like was 'Hey Soul Sister' played really well except for the chipmunk like voice that came out of Byakuya's voice. When he was done, several people clapped including Rukia.

"I'm so jealous," she cooed. Toshiro was then glad that Rukia didn't take after he brother-in-law.

***************N

1.

"DISGUSTING!" Toshiro screamed as Rukia did some, well, gold-digging.

"OOOOO! here's a good one!" Rukia exclaimed pulling out an especially nasty one.

Toshiro was long gone. In the bathroom. The rest is too disgusting to tell.

2.

"Butph ith devichus!" Rukia slobbered. (Translation: But it's delicious!)

"Gum is nasty, and the cherry flavor tastes like medicine!" Toshiro argued as Rukia tried to get him to try her new Chappy Chomps: Cherry Flavored Gum. She had ten pieces in her mouth already.

"Sthwr puth," Rukia said. (Translation: Sour puss.)

3.

"Licking sand is pointless!" Toshiro declared. Rukia was laready on her hands and knees.

"But it's fun with your friends!" Rukia argued.

"But still!"

"IT'S FUN THOUGH!"

"It's completly idiotic and poin-pklkfdu!" Rukia shoved and handful of sand in his mouth.

It took three bottles of mouth-wash to get it out.

And that was how the last day of summer was spent!

_Halfway to ten! Keep reviewing! And I hope you have a wonderful school year!_

_...(goes cries in the corner)_


	6. The Vengeful Shinigami 1

_I haven't updated for a while, 'cause school started. Siiiiiiigh…_

_I got this idea from another fanfiction._

_WARNING: slightly educational. Has some inappropriate parts_

_FULL NAME: Virginia Green and the Vengeful Shinigami Pt. 1_

Toshiro was –trying- to enjoy a peaceful afternoon. I think you know what happens next.

KA-BOOOM!

The bottom file drawer flew open and something rushed out of it so quickly even Toshiro couldn't tell what it was.

That's when another round of chaos started.

Toshiro walked out of his office to find mobs of people running away yelling their heads off.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Izuru shrieked in a very girly way.

Creepy…

"STOP YOU EVIL NAZI!" our favorite thirteenth division member screamed.

Except Rukia was not in her normal robes. Ooooh, no.

She was wearing a two inch leather mini skirt, a three inch long white tank top, black cowboy-meets-go-go boots, brown felt cowboy hat, and was carrying a snake looking whip.

"I'm not a Nazi!" Izuru sobbed, crying his poor eyes out.

…

Toshiro took a deep breath and…

"STOOOOOOOOOP!" he shouted.

Everyone stopped in his or her tracks.

"Kuchiki, what in the world are you doing?" Toshiro hissed.

"I'm capturing Nazi's. And it's not 'Kuchiki'. I'm Virginia Green! HAHA!" Ruki-I mean Virginia cackled.

"She doesn't look much like a Virgin-ia," someone muttered. He died a slow painful death by whip.

Moving on…..

The temperature dropped twenty degrees when Virginia was done explaining.

"Which one of you dumb***'s let Kuchiki watch 'Indiana Jones'?" Toshiro growled through clenched teeth.

One person raised their hand…..

TO BE CONTINUED!


	7. The Vengeful Shinigami 2

_DUDUDUDUUUUUM! DUDUDUUUUM! DUDADUDUMMMMMMM! DADADADADUM! DUDUDUDA! !_

_(Indiana Jones theme)_

Virginia Green and the Vengeful Shinigami Part 2:

Previously:

"Which of you ******** let Kuchiki watch Indiana Jones?" Toshiro growled.

One lone person raised their hand….

"Yes, Abarai?" Toshiro hissed/questioned, shooting the poor lieutenant a look that was Satan + Freddy Krueger that almost made him burst out crying.

"I think I know who did it…" Renji squeaked.

"Spill the beans, Nazi!" Rukia yelled.

"I don't have any beans!" Renji cried.

"LET'S GET TO THE POINT!" Toshiro roared.

"Well…it would either be Ichigo or Rangiku…" Renji sniffled shooting them the puppy dog look. Did not fare well.

"DIE PERV!" Ruki-Virginia shouted chasing after him.

Suspect Number One:

Ichigo Kurosaki

Age: 15

Resides: Karakura Town

"What makes you think I did it?" Ichigo protested as the two shinigami tied him to a chair. The lights were flicked off except a lamp, which was pointed directly in his eyes.

"Ow! Easy there, Toshiro," Ichigo pouted.

"That's Hitsugaya-taichou to you, amateur," Toshiro hissed. He was decked out in a Sherlock Holmes-y outfit (grey plaid buttoned up jacket, black pants, and black dress shoes) without the hat or pipe.

"So what makes you think I'm the one who turned Rukia crazy?"

"Because you don't like me, and I don't like you," Hitsugaya responded.

"THAT'S NOT REASONABLE!"

"SHUT UP!" Virginia shouted and hit him with her whip.

"Owwwwww…."

"Ichi-nii! You promised to take me to the park this afternoon!" Yuzu said as she walked in and flipped on the switch.

"Huh?"

"Huh?

"Yuzu?"

"WHO DARES INTERRUPT VIRGINIA GREEN!"

"Never mind, Kurosaki, you aren't the culprit,"

"No dur!"

And with that, Sherlock Hitsugaya and Virginia Green left.

Meanwhile, somewhere else:

"Hmmm… this is getting quite interesting," a voice said.

Suspect Number Two:

Rangiku Matsumoto

Age: acts like a five year old

Resides: Tenth division couch

"Ne, Taichou! What makes you think I did it?" Rangiku objected when she was confronted when she was lounging on the couch.

"Why don't we tie her up?" Virginia whined for the fifth time.

"Hush up!" Sherlock hissed.

"You look adorable in that outfit!" Rangiku cooed.

Hitsugaya blushed, "Stay on subject Matsumoto. I suspect you did it because you had a grudge on me since I made you work for a full ten minutes!"

"Nuh-uh! I am SO over that! That was a long time ago!"

"That was an hour ago, Matsumoto," Sherlock sighed.

"Yeah…I went drinking after that and forgot. Oopsy!"

"…Let's go Virginia,"

"RIGHT!"

Later:

"Ugh, Matsumoto aren't Kurosaki responsible, so who is?" Hitsugaya sighed.

Footsteps sounded behind them.

"Whose there?" Sherlock spun around and yelled, pulling out his zanpakto, Virginia pulled out her whip.

A voice cackled.

"I am the one responsible!"

Hitsugaya and Green gasped.

_Who do you think it is? Vote now in your reviews!_


	8. The Vengeful Shinigami 3

_FOOOORGIIIIVE MEEEE_

_DADA- oh, what the heck. You know the Indiana Jones's theme._

Previously:

"I am the one responsible!" a voice cackled.

Hitsugaya and Green gasped.

They stared at the smirking face of Yuzu Kurosaki.

"Whaaaaaaat? B-but the title says it's a vengeful SHINIGAMI. Not some creepy little girl!" Green blabbered.

"Why, Kurosaki?" Sherlock asked gruffily (still sounding child-like, though).

"Y? Beecuz I dun like u, stoopid!" Yuzu screeched.

"….what?" Sherlock asked, looking confused.

"Dun act so cunfuzzled, dude! U an yo otheh shinigami frndz betteh watch out, beecuz I iz a-cmin fo u, beeyotch~!"

"It's called text, or txt, lingo taichou. Let me take it from here."

Sherlock gladly stepped back, his head spinning.

"Dat wrong, yo! We iz yo frndz! We mst doo stf 2gether, u n me, newhere and netime at all-"

"DOWN HERE IN THE DEEP BLUE SEA~!" a bunch of random hobos sang.

"GASP! U iz rite! U r mah frndz! I srry fo wat I did,"

Virginia smiled. "See? We coo now. U iz frgvn~ 3"

And with that, Yuzu poofed into a cloud of glittery….um…stuff.

"YAY~! We did it taichooou~!" Rukia squealed, wrapping her arms around Toshiro's neck, whose train of thought was going in circles trying to keep up with the two girls.

"Come on! I wanna watch Star Wars now!"

SQEEEEEEEEE! BOOOOM!

"H*** to the no."

And thus, the Soul Society was saved, thanks to the heroic hero-ness of Sherlock Hitsugaya and Virginia Green!

Stay tuned for further adventures!

DADADADAAAADADADUUUUM! DADADADAAAA! DADADADUMDUM! DADADADAAA DADADEE! !

DADADADUUUM DADADADUUUUM DADADUM! DUM! DUUUUUM! DADADUM.

_Review fo'schizzle!_


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